Expectations.

As a kid, any unwrapping occasion was full of expectations. What did I always wanted to get? A Barbie Doll. Maybe because she was everything I wasn't. Pretty and blonde, admired, respected. She was the high-heeled professional, the pretty mind, the one able to do whatever she wanted. Astronaut, doctor, model, hairdresser, photographer or chef. She could get further than what was written in her box... Just if my imagination wanted to.

It's funny to recall this when unwrapping my stepmother's presents. Ironically full of goodwill, she proves wiser than many, by getting me an anti-stress cushion and a self-help book.

I didn't want anything for my Birthday. I dreamt with nothing. Or at least, nothing that can be bought. As sad as real, the one and only thing I want to come out of that box is some inner happiness achieved with what I happen to use 1/3 of my day. I just want to work with anything else that pays less and fulfills more my spirit.

I'm lucky. I have a job, a house, a boyfriend. I'm lucky. I have spare time, the chance to travel, the freedom to decide. I'm lucky. I have no pressure. I'm lucky. I have great feedback from those who work with me. But if I'm so lucky, why do I feel so disappointed? Why is the best moment of the day to see my article published in David Report? Why don't I find geek jokes funny at all? Why do I keep thinking about Brands?

Anxiety comes. I swallow melisa, valeriana and run until I can't breath. Just to feel exhausted. Just to get some sleep. I'm angry. I act as a stupid. I hate me. I'm scared. Because I can't see any exit around, I can't find that opportunity to jump to the other side. I don't really need it to happen in a couple of days, but really, I need something to walk to. The mål where I become something else where I can throw away that tech-jacket and start with the creative-one. I have all these courses nobody seems to consider, all these thoughts, all the potential but no opportunity to prove it.

None? False. I have one. The one that David gave me.

Design Boost was, among other things, a networking event. A place to meet people. To share Business Cards. To join a community. To - hopefully - start helping each other. So I'll keep going. Because my current achievements are fine, but I know I have far more potential to exploit in another direction.